Me: I
am travelling in the hinterlands of UP.
Me:
Next you will say rape is super exciting for us?
This whatsapp conversation happened just a
few days after yet another gangrape victim was killed with impunity by her
perpetrators in Unnao and protests by women across urban India were still going
on. I was traveling in UP meeting
grassroot women working in various sectors. Keeping aside their success
stories, a single thread ran across the lives of these women – being subjected
to abject and horrendous levels of violence.
Violence was the underlying story of
majority of the women in the state. This is the underlying story of majority of
the women in our country. Forms of violence which have been normalized pervade
the fabric of our society. It does not matter if you are rich or poor, educated
or uneducated. It’s so deep rooted and seeped into all layers, that I find it
difficult to believe that change can happen in my lifetime.
Hyderabad gangrape and murder; Unnao rape
and murder by burning; Nirbhaya gangrape in the capital city; Kathua gangrape
of a minor girl in a Devi-temple by men who came all the way from UP to
participate; Rajasthan gangrape where a young girl ran naked for 1 km before
she found help; hanging of Dalit girls by upper-caste men, gruesome sexual
assault on adivasi woman by police so much so that her uterus is rejected by
her body; beating a wife till she becomes unconscious or her skin falls off;
kicking a pregnant woman in womb so she loses her child every time she becomes
pregnant; pushing a daughter-in-law down the stairs for carrying a girl-child;
forcing a wife to have sex because she has to submit to his needs by the virtue
of marriage; burnt for not providing the money which was not theirs in the
first place; asking for dowry from a would-be IAS daughter in-law for an IAS
son just because he is a son; a father negotiating for money over the dead body
his daughter, threatening the husband with an FIR, where a woman is reduced to
mere money to be haggled over; child pregnancy because she is assaulted by
upper-caste men and boys in her village; sexually abused by fathers, uncles,
brothers, in-laws and others; adding the nine months of life in the womb to her
actual age, so that she can be married off as early as possible; thrashed
senseless because she dared to say that she wanted to complete her school
education; threats of getting raped if she raised her voice in the community – tum janti
nahin ho main kya kar sakta hoon; not being able to go to college because
the neighbourhood boys make lewd gestures and cat calls.
These are the real life stories of many
women across the country, their every day lived reality.
Even if you move away from gender-based
violence, and look at any other form of violence (and there is so much out
there), the one underlying thread across all forms of violence is that it’s
perpetrated by Men. Men are violent towards women. Men are violent towards
children. Men are violent towards men. Men are violent towards other nations
and communities. Men are violent towards nature.
It’s time our Men realize this and do a
collective introspection on why violence has become their essence, almost running
in their DNA.
Until then, we will remain a sick society,
a very very sick society.
Until then, all men will remain guilty.
